literally had 100 drinks last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
