We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
