You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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