I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
