Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
