just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
