You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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