I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
