dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
