Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
