you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
