We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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