Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Shame - the story of my life.
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