girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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