You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
