ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
