Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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