My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
