I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Randomize
