He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
