I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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