I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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