i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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