i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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