Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
