some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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