Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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