u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
