i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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