OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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