Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
