So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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