WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
