i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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