I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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