Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
