Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
