im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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