So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
