i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
