I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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