They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
