in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just found a bag of teeth...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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