i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
