discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
