The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
