Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
