fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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