Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
