Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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