Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your penis caused this!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
