Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
