i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
