She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
