What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
