He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
