i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
