Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
