i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
