chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
