he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
